Tom Hiddleston was on Newsnight. They were debate/discussing the relevance of Shakespeare to modern day political leadership (quickly descending into debate on the meaning of rhetoric thanks to bullshit historian guy who kept speaking over Tom but anyways moving on…) and holy shit was that mother fucker (Tom) eloquent. He was all, it’s about compassion etc but also appropriateness,...
My Dad: I like Tom Hiddleston better with dark hair, it really brings out his blue eyes.
My Dad: That sounded gayer than I thought it would jesus christ
OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD ;_______; CASUALLY LISTENING...
Boyfriend: How desperate am I? You threaten my love life, you fall in love with a man you can't hope to be with. You talk about feelings, and you tumblr 24/7 because it's filled with him. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did.
Girlfriend: Ooh. It burns you to have come so close. To have me, to have a real, true relationship. And for what? You took me to see the movie, then to be reminded what a real fangirl is.
Boyfriend: Yeah, well, you let me know if "real fangirl" wants a magazine or something.
I ONLY HAVE MY ART EXAM LEFT. THEN ALL I DO IS WAIT FOR THE RESULTS THAT WILL DECIDE MY ENTIRE FUTURE TO POP THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE SOME SADISTIC PIECE OF TOAST.
I think someone has to take a seat.: the problem... →
mega-perv-extraordinaire: Not that i do bad things, i just do things at the wrong time, so when i say ‘i don’t do thing’s i’m supposed to do’ i don’t mean ‘i have threesomes with married people in the back of stolen cars in latvia even though my passport is out of date’ what i really mean is ‘i embark on…
I think someone has to take a seat.: sonder →
somethingchanged: n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep…
The following quotations are taken from official...
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
thorhead: do you think when johnny depp agrees to be in a movie with a different director he goes home at night and tim burton is just there with his face pressed against the window and johnny has to close the curtains to avoid feeling guilty
The Avengers according to the characters
tony: fly around, shooting shit, saving the day and making the ladies swoon, whilst engaging in homoerotic banter-but-not-really-banter with capsicle
natasha: beat up people with chairs, and make it so obvious that there's more between me and clint than friendship. kind of like budapest
clint: shoot shit at further distances than tony, and make it so obvious i've got a thing for nat. totally not like budapest
bruce: form a brOTP with stark, cause we're science soulmates. finally let loose, and i get the crowning moment
steve: look hot in tight suit. engage in homo-erotic banter with tony, whilst not knowing what homo-erotic is
thor: try to show loki i still love him, whilst laughing at petty, tiny humans
loki: get so many fangirls, that with a mere click of my fingers, i could have all nine realms on their knees
mega-perv-extraordinaire: sarahvonkrolock: clockwork-silence: tomhiddlestonfans: oh but you should see THIS gif I swear it’s moving omfg Well, waddaya know? He really does possess a magic stick after all… It´s the Midgard Serpent… I knew it… OMFG
"It's Real for Us": Avengers Deleted Scene #3 →
ladyhistory: LOKI: WOOOOOOO NICK FURY: DAMMIT STOP FOGGING UP THE GLASS AND DRAWING PICTURES IN IT LOKI: THIS IS A PORTRAIT OF YOU NICK FURY: IT LOOKS LIKE A HOT DOG WITH AN EYEPATCH LOKI: EXACTLY. NICK FURY: I’M GOING TO RUN OUT OF WINDEX YOU TWATMUFFIN LOKI: *MOUTH ON GLASS*…
comehomebrother: Tom Hiddleston reading...